Opening My World

My world as it relates to Diabetes is beginning to open up. For the first time, I finally decided to read some other blogs to see what people are saying. I never imagined this whole thing could be so complex. For myself, I've tried to keep it simple, but I can see that for many people trying to manage their condition, that's not an option.

People talk about monitoring blood sugar at different times of day, before and after meals, fasting every night to check their "fasting blood sugar" number in the morning.

I did the fasting routine for three months. Since my diagnosis was based on such a reading, I thought it best to take all of my home readings the same way -- for comparison. And I still think it's a good idea.

But I don't keep track of carbs. I don't keep a journal of everything I eat, then check my blood 1 or 2 hours afterward, to see what it's doing to my body. Of course, I try to eat good carbs most of the time. We went through all that, changing our food selection choices at the grocery store -- months ago.

I eat or drink nothing that contains sugar (or at least, not more than 4 grams per serving). I take my medication twice a day, as prescribed. Admittedly, I have not been checking my blood.

And I'm getting the picture that people experience Diabetes in a wide variety of ways. Different dosages and combinations of medication. Different ways to monitor their progress.

Up to now, I probably haven't given it as much thought as most people. I haven't considered all the many ways blood sugar can fluctuate, before and after meals, before and after physical activity. Or the effect that stress can have upon the way your body handles all of the above.

I've pushed it out of my mind, because I don't want to think about it. I don't want to devote time and energy to body chemistry -- because I never did before. It's something I've done all my life, a way of trying to cope. Every day, I see people who get overwhelmed, stressing out over so many things. Things they cannot change.

That's why we stopped watching the news. We realized that 99% of what they report has nothing to do with us, has no effect on our lives, and we might never know about it without watching the broadcast. So why get upset? Why worry about events happening far away? Why subject ourselves? It can serve no useful purpose.

The 1% that matters we'll hear about anyway. From everyone else around us. So we'll know what we need to know.

This strategy has worked, for the most part. It helps us to focus more on our own lives. That gives us plenty to worry about.

And I know that my view of this whole Diabetes thing will evolve over time. One reader's comment on another site mentioned that he had been dealing with Type 2 for over ten years. Right now, it's hard for me to imagine that.

I want to keep thinking "This is it". I've accepted the diagnosis, I'm watching what I eat, I'm taking medication. End of story. But that's probably unrealistic.

God knows what the doctor will say next time I go in February. I don't want more complications. No more steps to follow, or things to keep track of. No meds added to my routine.

How many people die from this condition? Is it rare or a common event? Will it kill me eventually? Is that what I have to look forward to? Is it only a matter of time?

Of course, I'm still a newbie. Facing all the fears, just like everyone else. I try not to think about it, but that's impossible. It's a part of my life now. I must face up to it every day.

My world is opening up. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. It's probably inevitable. A reality I cannot escape. I only hope it enables me to make better sense of it all.

Sometimes, it scares me.