Forever More

There are moments that change your life forever. When you fall in love, when you lose someone dear, when a child is born. Many more have the potential to change, and when they happen, you do not know which direction that potential will take. In such moments, it seems, you find yourself at a crossroads. You can feel it inside. "Everything's about to change." It fills you with fear and excitement (like the first ride on a roller coaster), all at the same time.

The longer I live, the more I realize that such moments can be few and far between. But they are often the ones worth living for. Looking back, they form a kind of map, showing all the steps taken. All the forces at work in our lives. And they not only help us understand who we are, but how we got here.

Even tragedy can be a godsend. Because every time something goes wrong, it forces us to reevaluate our current path and turn, one way or another. And even though, at the time, it may feel like we're making a "terrible choice", that's only because it's hard to cope with the consequences. What if we make a mistake? What if our plans fall apart?

People make mistakes all the time. It's part of the human condition. With the best of intentions and all the odds in our favor (or so it seems), one may still choose the wrong path.

But it does not guarantee defeat.

I've taken plenty of missteps. So often, they lead me to people and places that I might never have found otherwise. And this makes me wonder if they were "meant to be" in the first place. If all the "hard lessons learned" were necessary to form my character. To make me the person that I am.

This is one thing I've always loved about good movies. To watch a character be transformed through their own mistakes, and how they face consequences that life brings upon them. To witness the soul searching. To ask myself at the same time, "What would I do, if this happened to me?"

Some movies change the entertainment landscape. They mark a moment in cinematic history. From the instant they hit the big screen, people will remember forever the effect it had on their lives. And every film maker knows that his or her efforts will be forever measured against that achievement.

Not all will agree. Some will deny that anything significant has occurred. People often dismiss the truth, especially if some aspect of its contents do not jive with their personal philosophy.

Last night, my wife and I witnessed such an achievement. For nearly three hours, we were completely mesmerized by the wonders presented in "Cloud Atlas". It's so hard to describe. I fear any attempt may not do it justice. See it.

Every Diabetic understands what it means to encounter that "moment". When everything changed. When their life took a turn that could not be reversed. It's a path they can never escape. And now they must learn to deal with it.

Given what I have since learned about my own family, it seems the path may have been unavoidable. Somehow, I just didn't see it coming. I cannot help but ponder the significance of this change. It affects every day of my life. I still think about "before" and "after". How my world has been transformed.

Of course, it's not all bad. It has created within me a new kind of awareness. It makes me wonder how other people feel about their own "life changing" afflictions. Some people cope better than others. Some sing "woe is me" in a neverending refrain. Some become activists, seeking ways to help others.

This blog is my first effort to find meaning from Diabetes and the change it brings into my life. I'm not sure exactly what I'm supposed to "do" with it. My self image has changed. At first, it frightened me a great deal. Before my diagnosis, when I was still in the dark, it made me feel weak and vulnerable. The rapid weight loss, the unquenchable thirst, made we wonder if my life might be over. For the first time, death seemed to be knocking at my door.

My journey has just begun. I imagine that over time, it will continually transform the way I see the world. Already it makes me take less things for granted. Direction? I do not know what lies ahead.

But I know it has changed me. Forever more.